


Season for the troubled

by myoue



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, M/M, Mentions of Masturbation, Smoking, Teacher-Student Relationship, life aspirations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-18
Updated: 2015-02-18
Packaged: 2018-03-13 13:11:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3382754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myoue/pseuds/myoue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren is a delinquent kid, Levi is his teacher, and neither of them are sure who fell in love with the other first.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Season for the troubled

**Author's Note:**

> ~~Original title: Forbidden School Love Affair~~  
>  i told myself this thing shouldn't stay in my drafts forever and ever. did i ever mention i love guys in slacks? it's like a very particular type of straight legged slacks that look amazing fff

He’s late on his first day of class. ~~~~

Levi wakes to find that his alarm has been helplessly beeping for the last twenty-three minutes while he’d been asleep and unaware until his eyes slowly blink open and he spends the rest of that morning in a fervent bumbling rush. He hadn’t wanted to start off the first day running around with toast in his mouth and a glare at everyone he’d accidentally bumped into, but it seems like luck and a well-proportioned helping of courtesy was not on his side today.

“Watch it!” he half yells at a boy in slacks on the train. They aren't holding onto the railing properly and had subsequently fallen on him.

“Sorry…” they say with a yawn before letting go of his instinctive grip on Levi’s sleeve, which Levi has to brush the wrinkles out of, and they wobble a bit before carelessly grabbing onto the railing in front.

Typical grey slacks, neat but a size or two too large because they're baggy on him, tells Levi this kid likely goes to a private school with a uniform, and he briefly thinks he’s glad the school he goes to is a public school. Public schools don't have that gross sense of entitlement - the kind that shows in a blatant disregard for proper behaviour. Private schools really tick Levi off for loads of reasons. Another is because they had all rejected him.

Levi steps up to the train doors and quickly gets out before this kid can fall on him again.

He gets to school and skips his way three steps at a time to the third floor, preparing an excuse that he’d gotten lost on the way here, he couldn’t find the classroom, these hallways all look the same with their pasty walls. When he checks his watch to find that he’s only five minutes past the supposed start time of class, he throws away this idea altogether and considers himself fashionably late.

He walks into the classroom, bustling and talking but not rowdy, the way he prefers it, and he takes his place at the front so it can immediately quiet down.

His voice is still a bit achy from the earliness of the morning, and he hasn’t eaten anything yet either save for the thermos of coffee still in his bag. It has a history of leaking when untouched for too long.

Levi’s still in the middle of introducing himself to the class before he’s interrupted by a rattling of the classroom door handle and then two knocks. Everyone in the class looks over, and Levi can’t help but let out a groan and a glare, one telling the rest of the class not to do this ever in the future, as he walks over to shove the door open.

It’s a late student, looking scruffy like a stray cat having been picked apart by rain, even though it’s not actually raining outside.

It’s the slacks kid, Levi thinks after he’s given a few seconds to squint his eyes and remind himself not to grumble about the loose fitting pants. It seems this kid doesn't actually go to a private school after all, and he’s in Levi’s class, of all things. But it doesn’t look like the kid remembers him. Perhaps he wasn't even fully awake and conscious before now. Instead of a look of recognition, Levi’s given a rather disgruntled one.

“It’s not locked,” Levi points out testily.

“Oh,” the kid murmurs, and looks away to stare at the ground. “Sorry, I’m late.”

He doesn’t move, probably because Levi hasn’t moved himself out of the doorway to let him in yet. Backpack slung lazily over his shoulder and eyelids thick and heavy, this kid brings a hand up to yawn. Levi hopes he’s not going to have to see them every morning on the way to school.

“Is this English?” the kid asks when Levi takes too long to say or do anything. “If not, then I’ll—”

“This is English,” Levi confirms, stepping out of the way this time and it takes a second or two of delay before the kid stumbles his way in and only barely takes in the staring from the rest of the class.

“I got lost,” the kid says to no one, closing the door behind him and following Levi in. “These classrooms all look the same, shit I don’t know…”

“That’s nice. Sit down.”

“Okay.”

They’re unlucky - in the same way that Levi was unlucky with a broken alarm clock and a tendency to focus much too much on ill-fitting clothing. He hadn't actually prepared any material for the first day, hadn't actually thought much about the beginning of a new school year but he'd already made a point of sprinting to school today. If only this kid could have done the same.

Levi waits impatiently to begin the class again, knowing there's only one empty seat available to sit at and it’s right in front of his desk.

When the kid shuffles himself over to sit down there, he immediately drops his head to the desktop, curling his arms around in front of it. He doesn't move anymore.

Levi gets on with course formalities. He talks about novels they’ll be going through (subject to change), general assignments they’ll have to do (subject to change), and office hours (not subject to change because he wants to know exactly when he’ll have to prepare himself for pestering students). Since he hadn't particularly prepared a full work day for the first day, he lets them all off on free time for the rest of the period.

At some point, he remembers to take attendance before any students sneak off through the door at the back of the classroom and don’t come back. It's a mistake he'd learned from during the beginning of his first year when he'd gotten chewed out by the principle because they're legally responsible for a checked-in student until the clock strikes the last minute. Doesn't matter where they are.

Levi gets to one particular name on the attendance, somewhere in the middle of the sheet, that looks particularly interesting, particularly beast-like.

“Eren Jaeger.”

The kid in front of him, the one with the slacks and the attitude, raises his hand without looking up and without a single sound before dropping it back down and continuing to sleep.

-

The first days of school pass without much incident. It’s a testament to how Levi hopes the rest of the year will go.

A week later, Eren Jaeger shows up with a bandage slapped across his cheek and the other parts of his face looking a rather purplish shade of red. His seat in front of Levi has become a permanent one, and despite this he slips his head down to the desk, not inconspicuous at all, like he came here specifically to sleep right in front of his teacher.

It’s tempting to call on him, Levi thinks, but he looks so obviously out of it. He can't help but figure Eren doesn’t need to have any more eyes drawn to that bruised up face and starting rumours - the sort that aren't kind to newcomers. Levi wonders if the bruises hurt, he wonders if Eren thought it was unnoticeable.

So instead he calls out Kirschtein staring absentmindedly out the window to make this loverboy regret that half-wave he almost tried to send at someone presumably down on the field.

“Trying to get with that girl?” Mikasa Ackerman chides the disrupted loverboy after class within Levi’s earshot, much to his disliking for listening to senseless gossip. “Her boyfriend almost tried to beat Armin up. Heartless pig.”

“Hah? Really? Sorry, Armin,” Jean says sheepishly like he's a bad actor in a soap opera.

“It’s okay… It wasn’t so bad this time.” Armin sighs.

Once the bell rings, they all make their way out of the room.

Eren still doesn’t move from his desk, though. He hasn’t moved all hour. He's always in the same position for the last few days, and Levi's growing concerned that he'll have to plan for disseminating the ash remains of a lived-out corpse.

“Eren,” Levi calls, loud enough for him to hear but quiet enough that the rest of the class won’t hear over the chatter. “Are you okay?”

Eren stirs but it still takes him a while to get up to speed while the rest of the class doesn’t seem to notice. “I’m fine,” he says before seeming to burrow even more into his arms.

Levi grimaces because soon the two of them will be the only ones left in the classroom, when Levi thought he might catch up on his nap, and he’s sure Eren has next period to go to.

“Should I drag you over to the nurse?” Levi asks seriously.

“No.”

“The hospital?”

“I _said_ I’m fine.”

He still doesn’t move and refuses to offer up any other kind of explanation for what seems like deliberately annoying behaviour. Levi doesn't really know what to do.

He opens his mouth again to say something, but doesn't. Levi wonders if he should call Eren’s next period teacher to tell them one of their students is not feeling well. Perhaps requires actual medical attention of some sort. Who knows.

He sees Eren start to rub at his cheek with the back of his hand, the space just below the bandage, and when the edges of it begin to peel he smooths them uselessly back down.

“You get into fights a lot?” Levi wonders out loud because he’s concerned but not concerned enough to mind his own business after all.

There’s a pause like Eren’s contemplating if he should answer or not. “Yeah,” he mutters, sounding a tinge vulnerable.

Eren pauses again before dragging his arm out from around his mouth so he can speak more clearly, like he’s actually going to say something worthwhile now. “You’re not going to tell on me, are you?” he asks.

Levi is almost _almost_ taken aback. “No,” he says. “It’s a little obvious, though. What with the bandaids and shit on your face.”

“I just tell people I tripped.”

Levi gives him a skeptical look. “And they buy that?”

“No. Not really.”

The bandage on his face is diagonal and partially folding over off like he’d put it on in a rush. His cheeks are poked red, and Levi feels the inane urge to get up and flatten down that sticking up hair at the very least. Make him look decently presentable instead of a target. Some kids are just prone to being bullied, Levi thinks mundanely.

“I’m not going to tell anyone,” Levi reiterates and he really means it. “But in return you’ve got to move your ass to your next period.”

Eren grimaces, giving him a look but then just looking subdued like he’s got no energy to fight back. Probably used it all up actually fighting prior to this. So he ends up sliding his chair back, slinging his bag back over his shoulder and practically kicks the chair back into his desk.

“I’m not some kind of delinquent,” Eren tells him, slightly miffed now. More like refuses to acknowledge that he just might beone. “So you don’t have to talk like that. Like you’re trying to act cool to me or something.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Talking like some gangster teacher or something.” Eren saunters heavily towards the door. “It’s gross.”

Just as he has a hand on the doorknob, Levi attempts to call back out, “Maybe if you’d actually paid attention to what I have to say in class you’d know that I always talk like this, _kid_.”

He can hear something of an amused snort as Eren closes the door behind him. “Whatever.”

And Levi thinks maybe at the very least he really should have flattened down Eren’s hair before he’d gone to his next class.

-

It’s only when Levi is sitting in his shared office (currently entirely deserted except for himself), waiting for a student, any students, to come during his office hour after school that he remembers about his bag.

He’s busy shaking it furiously when he hears a knocking.

“Come in!” he practically yells.

 His desk is splattered with all sorts of crap, and he’s more frustrated than anything when he thinks he could have just taken his bag over to the sink and dumped the entire contents in there instead of on his desk and now currently spilling fluid all over his chair and the floor.

“Uh, are you okay? Sir?”

Levi looks up. Eren’s hair is flattened down properly now – maybe someone else did it for him. “I’m fine. What do you want, Eren?”

There’s that unsure pause again like Eren’s contemplating getting the hell out of there. Levi won’t even be offended. But Eren doesn’t when he says, “Do you need some help or something?”

“My coffee spilled,” Levi tells him irritably. “No, I don’t need help. Or, actually…”

He thrusts his wet bag into Eren’s confused hands that are no doubt regretting asking by now if the disgusted look on his face says anything.

“Take that and shake it outside.”

“Outside…”

“Out the window,” Levi orders.

The canteen, now devoid of any actual liquid other than that of it seeping down the sides, goes straight into the garbage can. He should have gotten rid of it earlier or at least stopped using it the first time it showed signs of betraying him. Maybe then he wouldn’t be wading through this mess of coffee and stained paper. He’ll have to explain the smell to his coworkers later and he’s not looking forward to that.

“Fucking gross.”

The scrape of the window opening happens at the same time Levi feels a cold breeze roll in that makes his wet hands shiver.

“God, what did I even come here for…” he hears Eren muttering to himself as he shakes out Levi’s bag.

Levi is wiping tissues all over his desk as he answers back, “What _are_ you here for?” almost sounding disbelieving to his own ears because he’s legitimately surprised anyone actually did come.

He goes to the staff kitchens to get a sponge and paper towels just as Eren says, “Well, actually…" Levi starts scrubbing his desk until Eren says, "No, you know what, never mind.”

“Seriously, what is it?”

“I said never mind.”

Levi huffs out harsher than he’d intended, on his hands and knees now soaking up the floor with paper towels. He doesn’t have much to go off of, but Eren seems like the type prone to crawling out windows or ventilation shafts just to get out of referred guidance or clinical help.

“Have you considered, I don’t know, _not_ fighting?” Levi says arbitrarily like Eren wouldn’t be annoyed at him bringing this up.

“What are you, my therapist?”

“No, I’m your teacher.” Levi throws more wet paper towels into the already full garbage bin. “But I guess that’s worse, isn’t it. I'm not exactly the most authoritative figurehead when it comes to seeking mental and emotional refuge.” He’s more mumbling to himself by now.

“It’s not like I have a choice,” Eren says. Levi can hear him shake the bag more furiously now like he wasn’t even listening. “Are you one of those who really thinks that I have a choice? Really? _Shit_.”

“No, I’m not. I don’t. It was a suggestion. You didn’t have to take it. I was giving you a choice,” Levi says hastily.

“Oh, ha ha. Very funny. You’ve just solved all my problems. Jesus, thanks.”

“I wasn't inclined to solve your problems for you. I’m supposed to advise you for how to solve them yourself.”

Eren actually laughs at that, rather humourlessly, but it still seems like a step in the right direction anyway.

“Thanks for the amazing advice, then.”

Levi doesn’t have anything else to say because he really does give out shitty advice.

Now that he’s finished cleaning his desk area from all traces of coffee, he steps back to take out a packet of cigarettes. He plucks one from the box and then lights it up, taking a long drag and then breathing it steadily out. He should have done this earlier. Before cleaning up all the coffee. 

“Are you smoking inside?” Eren asks him incredulously once he notices, looking actually offended now. “Is that even allowed?”

“No,” Levi answers before deliberately taking another puff. “But you’re the only one here and I figured you wouldn’t mind.”

“I do mind.”

“Well, tough shit, I guess.”

Eren stares at him by now, eyebrows drawn concernedly together and begins to glare more when he has to start dodging the smoke like it’s poisonous gas. “Why is it sometimes you’re okay and then sometimes you’re completely fucking bizarre?”

“I could say the same to you.”

“I told you I’m not a delinquent.”

“Yes, you are. You get into fights and sleep in class. That’s obvious delinquent behaviour,” he recites. He pockets the lighter, getting up from his spot on the floor to make his way over. Sidling himself up next to where Eren is standing, Levi joins him in looking casually outside, making a point of blowing smoke out the open window. “There. Are you happy now? Are you happy now that I’m ruining my fucking lungs as well as the environment?”

Eren scrunches up his nose, and Levi’s not sure if it’s because his presence here is actually unwelcome now that Eren is forced into direct contact with the smoke or if it’s because he actually does care about the thinning of the ozone layer.

It’s only then that Levi realizes Eren being rather still, hands clasped together casually on the windowsill in front of him. Suspiciously empty.

“Where’s my bag?” Levi says, looking around at the floors.

Eren freezes a little, eyes twitching back and forth. “I dropped it,” he confesses. “Out the window.”

“You _what?_ ”

“By accident.”

Those words take a little while longer than necessary to process, but Levi leans his head out the building looking directly down, and sure enough he can see his black bag plopped elegantly on the stone pavement from three stories up. That’s just great.

Eren doesn’t exactly look sorry – maybe he’s used to disappointing people and pissing them off at the same time. But it seems like he has no intention of running away which Levi thought would be first on Eren’s mind. Being an annoying kid with unruly hair and all. Levi simply sighs, needing more tobacco in his lungs before he can deal with all this.

“Should I go get it?” Eren actually asks.

“Just leave it.”

He casts his eyes to the side, being awkwardly stiff and robotic. “It kind of just… slipped out of my hands,” Eren says instead like it was something that happened so completely out of his control.

“It’s fine.”

For some reason, Levi doesn’t care as much as probably should. He can only sigh, tasting the tobacco gross on his lips. The cigarette is warm between his fingers, warm in his mouth when he breathes the smoke in, and yet the wind from outside is only mildly chilly for the beginning of autumn even though it makes his skin shiver.

Eren doesn’t seem to mind it, draping his arms out and letting them hang over the edge. “Smoking is bad for you,” he says out into the open like he’s not even talking to Levi. It whispers across the wind, not particularly judgmental or accusatory, not at all like that Levi’s heard before from people in his life who don’t approve and have told him so with harsh repetition.

“Hah? You think I don’t know that already?” Levi takes a long drag and blows it out for emphasis. “If I could quit I would, but it’s not that easy. You should know how hard it is for people to quit smoking. They got those addict groups, rehab groups, those garbage electronic cigarettes… which by the way don’t work at all, you know.”

“No, I _don’t_ know because I’ve _never_ smoked.” Eren huffs, meekly puffing out a lip and rubbing a hand through his hair. It just makes it stick up even more, makes Levi stare at it even more.

“Honestly, I don’t even know if it’s mental or physical addiction, you know?” Levi says.

“No.”

He taps on the cigarette outside the ledge, letting the ashes fly away in the wind. “Alright, alright. You could use one, though. It calms your nerves.”

He actually takes one out of his personal packet and offers the cigarette to a flabbergasted Eren.

"You're shitting me, right?"

He holds it out until Eren actually takes it, and he does eventually, staring narrowly at it before immediately dropping it out the window.

“Hey!”

He also grabs the rest of the cigarette box out of Levi’s hand and throws that out the window, too. Levi watches the box fall to its doom, and he turns around about to throttle him.

“Okay, listen here, you little…”

“I said they’re bad for you, you prick!” Eren yells suddenly, also taking the cigarette right out from in between Levi’s fingers and throws it on the pile of trash in the garbage bin this time. “And stop smoking on school property! Are you trying to make fun of me? Shoving those disgusting things in my face? You’re a superb role model, you know that?”

Eren, face back to red again and absolutely infuriated, takes his bag from the ground and stomps out, leaving Levi by the window as he slams the door on his way out, all the way muttering “ _Like hell you’re a real teacher._ ”

Without the warm cigarette in his hand, suddenly it feels a lot colder.

For reasons that cannot be explained, Levi feels an uncanny attraction to this kid. He’s compelled to lean his elbows back on the windowsill, recalling definitely one of the most hostile conversations he’s ever had with a student, whilst fixating his gaze on the door like he’s waiting for Eren to come back and throw more insults at him. He should be here when Eren decides to do that, right?

-

The large square bandage on Eren’s face is gone, but it’s replaced by another smaller one on his other cheek. When one wound heals, another takes its place, and Levi wonders just when exactly all of this is going to stop. He hasn’t seen Eren’s face entirely clear since the first days of school, and he hadn’t realized it would turn out to be such a privilege back then.

Taking out a newly bought cigarette from his pocket, he lights it carefully in his mouth, leaning his head back and blowing up at the ceiling. Expectedly, Eren frowns at him.

“Inside again?” he chides and Levi just waves him off. “There are gonna be classes here in the next hour and they’re going to smell the smoke.”

They’re the only ones left in the room and it’s become their sort of habitual meet up place.

“Oh, thanks for informing me of what I’d completely forgotten,” Levi says.

“I’m just saying.”

The smoke swirls up and around, and Levi leans back even more to kick his feet up on the desk. “So then make yourself useful and open up the windows,” he tells Eren with a challenging raise of his brow. “Or instead you can simply head on over to your next class like a good kid should be doing in the first place. Make your choice.”

But as if Eren is here just to spite him, he gets up only to shove open all the windows one by one. There are four of them side by side, larger and heavier than the ones in the staff room, and he grunts with the strain of lifting up each and every one of them, exerting far too much effort just because Levi has an unhealthy addiction and not enough bite to his bark.

“I hope you’re happy with that choice.” Levi has to roll his eyes as Eren sits back down in his seat, a bit breathy and blinking exaggeratingly slowly.

“Oh, what was I supposed to do then, huh?”

Levi takes in a breath, destroying his lungs some more. “A student is supposed to arrive to class on time, actually pay attention so you can learn things, and then leave properly to go and do the same shit in another class. You’re supposed to study hard and get along with others, not pick stupid fights with them.”

“And _then_ what?” Eren mocks.

Levi stares hard at him. “You do well on your exams, go to university, and then get a boring job married to someone boring for the rest of your goddamn boring life.” He practically spits the words out.

Eren doesn’t look impressed, looks rather disgusted actually, and Levi doesn’t even have to look hard to see it.

But he’s exhausted already just sitting here. Probably because the smoke severely debilitates not only his life expectancy but also his patience, and Eren is someone who seems to test that patience to its farthest limits. “Do I have to be even more of an asshole teacher to get you to leave? Is that what you actually want?” he asks, not expecting much more than a put out expression and a non-response.

But then Eren says, “Yes,” that takes Levi aback, with eyes boring straight into him now, pupils dull and dark and flat. “Tell me to get the fuck out,” Eren sneers with a venomous tone.

“Hey, language,” is all Levi can say before Eren completely turns on him.

“Tell me to fix my god awful attitude, fix my hair and my clothes and my _fucking_ language. Tell me I can’t be acting up like this, can’t be squandering my life like this. I’ll never get anywhere. I’ll never be anything. That I don’t even try and I’m a shit fucking failure. Please, _go on_. Tell me I’m not even worth the time—”

“Hey!” Levi snaps, loud and angry that the word reverberates off the walls and out the windows.

Eren is seething, eyes trained so hard on Levi that he’s not sure if Eren is going to pounce and tear him to shreds. To Eren, Levi could be just another person he can easily beat the shit out of and deal with the consequences later. He breathes hard, hands curled on the top of his desk like he’s ready to do it, and Levi just sits there ready to take it if Eren does.

Levi doesn’t know what to say after Eren just sits there, no idea why Eren was saying those kinds of things in the first place. There’s a load of hurt in Eren’s passive expression, portraying an existence that says he’s dead, strung out, and tired of a world that’s done nothing for him before he’s even turned eighteen. And Levi still has no idea who Eren is as a person, still yet to find out about his likes or dislikes or what he really wants. He’s just a teacher and Eren is just his student.

Yet for a moment, for a single crisp second, he can see something other than dispassion in Eren’s eyes. There’s a fleeting moment where it’s like Eren is suddenly self-aware to such a critical degree, that he wants so desperately for Levi to know that he isn’t simply blind to the world around him. And Levi somehow feels like he’s the only person in the entire world who’s ever seen Eren like this.

And then he’s gone, just like that. Eren leaves the classroom before Levi can even reach out a hand or get another word out. Or maybe he left so he could have the satisfaction of going before Levi kicked him out like all the others before him seem to have done.

-

When the windows are open, Levi likes to keep them open. It’s the one thing about being stuck inside classrooms all day that Levi hates – the fact that the windows are too small and they’re all conglomerated together on one wall. Sometimes when it gets too sunny, a student will complain about it getting in their eyes and blinding them, and Levi will have to throw the curtains over the only place that doesn’t make him feel nauseously claustrophobic.

“This famous line poses an existential conflict,” Levi says to the class. Eren continues in his sleeping position at his desk in front of him. Is he getting enough sleep these days? Levi wonders more often than is appropriate. “Hamlet contemplates the idea of suicide, questioning whether a life of pain and misery is worth living or whether he should look to actively end his suffering. He critiques the human condition. Why do we bother with life at all if dying is inevitable? Is it more noble to end the grief or suffer through the hardships?”

Eren stirs a little.

“To die is to sleep, Hamlet says. It is an escape, to take away our troubles. But even in sleep, we are dreaming. What truly happens after death? Is it preferable to living such a passive life where all one thinks about is the end of it? To be, or not to be: that is the question.”

As soon as the bell rings, Eren bolts out the door, and Levi is swamped from students asking about the homework assignment that he can’t think too much about whether Eren was listening or reading along to _Hamlet_ at all or not.

-

When not even open curtains on a cloudy almost-winter day can get Levi to not feel constrained and trapped behind his desk, he ditches his own office hours to sprint upstairs to the school roof. It’s only accessible to those with a key, and luckily Levi is one of the few who’s on the janitor’s “good” side after having hounded him about throwing away his bag and putting on a fake sob story about some important stuff left in there.

When he gets up, the steel door slams behind him, throwing him out of the warmth and into the frigid cold air outside. As soon as he is, Levi spots a movement out of the corner of his eye that reacts to the noise.

Eren is looking towards him, fur-hooded coat on but unzipped at the front with his hands sprawled out and legs dangling off the side of the building as he sits dangerously close to the edge. There aren’t any safety fences bordering the perimeter of the roof, but Eren doesn’t seem particularly averse to the potentiality of falling off.

“What are you doing here?” they both ask at the same time, and Levi snorts when he gets close enough to catch a glimpse of Eren’s alarmed face. Perhaps he thinks Levi’s going to report him like the jackass teacher that Levi likes to proclaim to be.

“How’d you get up here?” Levi rephrases, shivering a little even though he brought a jacket and it’s zipped all the way up. “It’s cold.”

Eren’s breath crystallizes when he speaks. “I climbed through the window,” he says, returning his eyes to the front. “ _Sir_ ,” he adds.

Levi’s not surprised that’s his answer.

He sits down beside Eren cross-legged and Eren stiffens beside him. Maybe they’re a little too close. Maybe Levi’s breathing is starting to pick up because of the adrenaline of being so close to the open edge. Or maybe they’re sitting _way_ too close even though Eren doesn’t move away.

 “You just had to go ahead and pick _Hamlet_?” Eren says to him, scoffing a little. “Everyone is dying around him and that self-righteous asshole has the gall to think about whether he should live or die himself. What a luxury that the others didn’t get a chance to have.”

“You were listening after all, huh?”

Eren becomes silent again, as if regretting he said anything in the first place.

“You were, yeah,” Levi goes on. “I didn’t doubt it.”

“Yes, you did,” Eren retorts, and Levi can tell he’s rolling his eyes. “You all do, and you’re one of them.”

“Them?”

“So I’d be happy if you didn’t lie to my fucking face.”

“Hey, language. And I saw you – you weren’t really sleeping. Though if you had the decency to come to my office hours afterwards, I would have summarized the whole thing for you even if you weren’t listening, alright? Because I’m a nice teacher that can accept the inevitability of student difficulty.”

Eren laughs before seeing that Levi is unmistakably serious, and he’s hashing out a slow and unsure, “Really?”

“Of course.” It’s Levi’s turn to roll his eyes. “Jesus, have a little more faith in your own damn teacher, Eren.”

It’s something he feels like he has to say, even if it’s not entirely what he’s inclined to believe. Eren seems to be in his own head right now, looking less annoyed and more pensive. Like this is the first time a teacher has actually promised to give him the time of day. And meant it. Or something.

Levi brings out his lighter because he can’t think of much else to do, and enjoys its warmth when he lights up a cigarette. Maybe he does this just to get a rise out of Eren again. He doesn’t know anymore. He thinks for a moment that Eren won’t say anything about it, caught up in his own thoughts, until his head turns.

“Can you stop trying to act cool?” Eren tells him flatly, eyeing the newly bought cigarette box in Levi’s hand. “You’re just being a dick now.”

“I’m not a dick. It’s an addiction.”

“Whatever.” Eren doesn’t look impressed. “Do what you want. Is it fun killing yourself, though? And dragging everyone else down with you? I’m right here, you know, inhaling your second hand smoke. Prick.” Eren shuffles himself two inches away from Levi.

Levi just shakes his head, though. “Is it more noble to end the suffering as soon as possible?” He stares at the cigarette in his hand. It’s a killing machine.

Eren also stares at him, eyes drawn together in a concerned expression, before he’s looking away and throwing his head back to laugh sardonically. “You picked _Hamlet_ just for this, didn’t you? Because of me? And your stupid smoking? I didn’t even see the thing in our list of books to study this year.”

Levi breathes out and coughs because his lungs are dying. “That’s because I added it in. The list was subject to change.” He’s surprised Eren even read the list. Now that he thinks about it, he’s not sure if he ended up even giving Eren a copy of the course sheet since he arrived late to class. Did Eren sneak one from his desk when he wasn’t looking?

“Oh, right right. I was listening to that part.” And then Eren drops his gaze to look at the field below.

Some kids are playing soccer, dressed up in their coloured uniforms and running around at breakneck speed. It doesn’t look like a practice game – it could be against another school, some kind of tournament game. They’re yelling things indistinctly.

“Are you suffering?” Eren asks him offhandedly.

The question doesn’t exactly take him off guard, but it does cause him to almost bite right into his cigarette. “Hmmm, I don’t know, Eren,” he replies jubilantly. “What kind of suffering are you going for?”

He pauses to wait for Eren to answer, but there’s no way he would.

“The pain and distress of being shit on your entire life?” Levi goes on. “The slow burn of never getting what you want and failing every time you try? And, boy, do you try. I’m talking about you.”

He nods his head towards Eren, whose expression turns sour like he’s regretting this already.

“Or is it the melancholy of simply being?” Levi decides for him. “Is it the crippling anxiety of waiting for something that you know will never come? The crushing realization that nothing is at all how you’d thought it’d be and _you_ were the one to fuck it up? I’ll tell you, Eren. My whole life I wanted to teach people. I wanted people to listen to me. I wanted to say smart things and I wanted people to hear them. Because years from now when everyone forgets you and your face and your god awful personality, they’ll remember your words, and I don’t want to leave here without having marked mine.”

He stamps out the cigarette butt on the pavement of the roof before flicking it somewhere to the side. And then he sighs something painful.

“But then I became a high school teacher instead of a literary epic. I’m writing homework assignments instead of poetic masterpieces. Somewhere along the line, the universe decided I wasn’t meant to live the examined life and I’d thrown up my arms, sulked a little, and said ‘fine’. Maybe I was meant to live a boring life as a boring teacher and teach shits like you who don’t know their ass from their face. And maybe I’ve got to live with that.”

He doesn’t know how long Eren has been wearing that atrociously frowning face, like he has no idea what to do after having listened to Levi spiel about failed dreams and less than hopeful things. But eventually Eren clenches his hands into tight fists on his lap, knuckles turning white, as he breathes out harshly and frustratingly.

“I’m sorry,” he says for the first time since they’ve met.

“Oh?” Levi snorts. “You’re sorry now of all times? Not even after you dropped my bag out the window but _now?_ Thanks by the way, I had to go into town to get a new one and that was a fucking nightmare.”

“I mean sorry about before. About telling you I was squandering my life and all that. Sorry.”

Levi’s about to make another comment but Eren’s eyes return to watching the field, so he clamps his mouth shut. It looks like the soccer game below is dispersing. Maybe one of them won. Who knows. Levi wasn’t really watching.

He shuffles out the still nearly-full cigarette box in his pocket, chucking it onto Eren’s lap and it bounces off his legs and hits the pavement of the roof.

“Keep those for me, won’t you?” Levi tells him airily, getting up as Eren scrunches up his face at the box like he’s never seen pictures of rotting lungs before. “I’m trying to quit. So, if I come to you begging for one, say I can’t have any. They’re off limits.”

He waits for Eren to say something, like how irresponsible Levi is as a teacher for giving a student a pack of cigarettes, or how he doesn’t want to risk getting caught with them in his possession, or how they’re absolutely revolting and they’ll just dirty up his pants with their filth. Maybe he’ll just end up throwing them off the edge again. Levi wouldn’t even mind this time if he did that.

But he doesn’t. Instead he pockets the box in his loose grey slacks and lies down putting his hands leisurely behind his head. “Sure,” he says idly. And as Levi walks away, opening up the steel door again to leave, Eren calls out to him, “Promise me you won’t go buying another pack, sir.”

-

Withdrawal does not go kindly on him.

He’s already aching, yearning by the next day. This was a bad idea.

He ends up stopping Eren multiple times whenever he sees him in the hallways, even checking out the unusual places that Eren sits at for lunch – a secluded back wall of the school with overgrown shrubbery, behind the backstage curtains of the school auditorium, and a room marked ‘Nurse’s Office’ that’s actually been in disuse for years (Levi has no idea how he got in there when the door is locked). Eren never seems to have sufficient lunch, either.

“I’ll trade you my sandwich for a cigarette,” Levi tells him like some kind of backhanded dealer out of ear shot of anyone else close by. Although, he’s growing more concerned about Eren’s dietary habits (or lack thereof) anyway.

“No,” Eren says easily, returning a smile. “So kindly get the hell out of here, sir.”

He only continues to stare at Levi, amused, like he’s watching a tropical bird dance in front of him. Levi, after so subtly opening his mouth again and then closing it, only mutters a “Nevermind, then” every time before walking quickly away.

One day after his first class in the morning is over, he actually grabs Eren’s arm before the kid can leave, squeezing it while feeling short on breath.

“This isn’t working,” Levi says gruffly, looking around to make sure the other students are gone from the classroom before he turns back to Eren. “I’m pretty sure the way you’re supposed to do it is to slowly cut down, not just drop it altogether. Give me just one right now before I pass the fuck out and you can keep the rest.”

“No way. They’re off limits,” Eren says resolutely, swatting at Levi’s creepy hold on him. “I can’t believe smoking makes you this weak. Are you even hearing yourself?”

“Do you have them right now? In your pants?” Levi demands, ignoring him entirely.

Eren steps back, holding his hands up defensively, and there’s something like a faint trace of a grin playing on his face. Or maybe the withdrawal is messing with Levi’s eyes and the circuitry of his brain. “ _Gross_ ,” Eren taunts. “Are you seriously going to harass a student for cigarettes in your own classroom now? That’s really shameful.”

“It won’t be harassing if you hand them over obediently.” He steps forward, raising an eyebrow assumedly and putting a hand out expectantly.

Eren takes one look at him, returns the eyebrow raise, and then bolts down the row of desks.

Of course, he would.

Levi growls before taking off after him before he can run out the door at the back of the classroom because then they’ll be in the presence of witnesses and he’ll be free from Levi’s clutches.

Levi has a hand on a desk to jump over a pushed out chair, able to cut Eren off at the doorway. Eren is wide-eyed.

“How the…?”

“Give them.”

And then Eren’s smiling cheekily again before he’s dashing back through the rows, along the windows, and laughing all the way the more Levi starts swearing at him and demanding his immediate castration. He uses the desks as protection, sometimes throwing out a chair to slow Levi down behind him. And sometimes he tries to make a break towards the doors again, but Levi always manages to get there before him.

“I’m not playing anymore, you shit,” Levi pants, arms outstretched in case Eren tries to do anything. “I’m about to go into cardiac arrest.”

Eren is three feet away though, just out of Levi’s grasp, as he runs short on breath as well. “I thought your lungs would have collapsed by now! No offense.”

Levi lunges forward and grabs Eren’s wrist like a viper on its prey, and Eren’s face looks just as horrified.

“Okay, okay, let me go! I don’t even have them. They’re in my locker, alright?” Eren smiles sheepishly but Levi doesn’t let go. “They would’ve fallen out with all the running around anyway.”

Levi glares, searching Eren’s face, and seeing a sweat drop almost falling down the side of his temple before looking down at the pockets of Eren’s pants. “…Really.”

“Really. I’m not lying.”

“Sounds awfully suspicious.”

“I’m not suspicious.”

In a moment of zero rational thinking and an unlatched moral conscious, Levi pulls Eren’s arm towards him and juts out a hand to feel the outside of Eren’s pants pocket.

Eren makes some kind of noise, immediately jumping away at the touch. “Hey! That tickles. Don’t do that.”

Levi’s not sure if he felt anything there, so he stares up at Eren who stares at him back, and he tries the other side.

“Really! It’s not there. _Sir._ ” Eren slaps his hand away, reflexively backing up at the same time, but Levi’s still tightly holding onto his wrist so his movement backwards takes Levi with him.

Until they’re backed up to the middle of the classroom and Eren gasps in surprise as the backs of his legs hit the edge of Levi’s desk so quickly that he falls right back on top of it, hitting his head against the tabletop with a loud crash. Before he can fall too, Levi steadies himself against the corners of the desk, hands ending up on either side of Eren’s thighs, as he’s suddenly looking down on him, eyes widening and heart stuttering to a stop.

“Are you okay…” The words hardly make it out of Levi’s mouth.

It takes him a few seconds to realize just what the hell has happened, and when those infinitely long seconds are over, he finds what he’s looking at is not at all good.

Eren’s face still has faint traces of scars leftover and marred across his red cheeks. He’s still flushed and slightly panting from earlier, eyes half-lidded in a daze, hair in a tasteful disarray and his clothes even more so. When Eren’s arms moved back instinctively to catch his fall, it’s managed to throw a bunch of Levi’s papers to the ground but it also succeeds in making Eren look even more spread out on his desk, while Levi hovers awkwardly in front of him trying to plant his feet on the floor and not fall forward.

He can’t get any words out and it seems like Eren can’t either, or has yet to clear the dazing from his head to process anything. Levi doesn’t know what to do as the heart inside his chest beats like crazy, making him curl his fingers around the edges of his desk as he tries not to lean forward, tries not to lick his lips as his throat becomes immortally dry, and fights the rushing of the blood going towards his ears as he feels his lungs actually giving out now.

Eren looks like he’s started to gain some semblance of awareness because he starts to blink rapidly, staring up at Levi like he’s unsure of what to do, and even then he doesn’t look all that surprised or worried or scared in the least.

And why does Eren look like that? Like he’s okay with all of this? Or even more so, like he’s actually _waiting_ for something?

He opens his mouth to say something, but Levi cuts him off, “You’re…”

His voice cracks, throat still painfully dry, so he starts again.

“You’re seventeen,” Levi whispers. Dread sinks over him as he gets off the desk, putting space between them as he rubs a palm across his face. “This isn’t… I’m your teacher and you’re…”

Eren doesn’t move, just releases a breath he must have been holding in and looks up at the ceiling.

“We shouldn’t keep going on like this,” Levi says more firmly than he feels. “It’s not right. If anyone were to even see us…”

He trails off on purpose to allow Eren the time to say something, to complain in a loud outrage and agree with everything, but he doesn’t. Still. His silence has never felt so stifling, the faint taste of bile rising up in the back of Levi’s throat at the mere anticipation of Eren yelling at him again.

“Eren? Are you listening? I said we can’t—”

“I haven’t even said anything yet.”

Eren finally gets up from the desk, straightening his hair and clothes so methodically and robotically, before picking his bag up from off the floor. He moves to stop right in front of Levi to peer down at him.

“Sir.”

But Levi can’t seem to pry his eyes away from the floor, can’t seem to even look at the temptation taking form in front of him. It makes Eren’s fists tighten around the straps of his backpack.

“You’re going to do this to me, sir?” he asks quietly but clenched through his teeth. “ _You_ , too, are going to give up on me.”

Levi doesn’t know what that’s supposed to mean at all. He thinks about all the times Eren must have crawled out of windows or run out the doors of guidance counselors and clinicians and disappointed parents. Because Eren is used to a life of people giving up on him, and yet right now Levi feels absolutely sick. That he’s one of them, and he’d said something so terribly wrong just now even though he knows he also can’t take it back.

“Go home, Eren,” he forces out even though it just makes him feel sicker.

“Don’t fucking say that to me,” Eren threatens.

“Language—”

Eren moves, and Levi thinks he’s going to be punched in the face or something. But instead, Eren grabs him by the front of his shirt, and Levi can feel his fist shuddering as hard as his voice does. “Don’t _fucking_ say that to me.”

But Eren doesn’t move anymore.

Without answering him and without giving in, Levi is the one who pushes him away and out of his grip. He turns around and leaves the classroom first this time, clutching a hand to his scrunched shirt and rubbing at the ache in his chest.

-

Levi can only really look forward to office hours with Armin Arlert most of the time, and there’s nothing Levi loves more than answering questions about vague homework peculiarities that Armin manages to find and pester him about like he’s here just to waste both of their time. He’s not a bad kid – just enthusiastic, Levi might say. And a tad bit annoying.

Once he leaves, Levi gets up about to as well. He hears a noise coming from down the hall, but he figures it’s just the janitor doing janitor things.

He locks up the door to the staff office, walking down the hallways when he hears the noise again, louder and closer. Like it’s coming from a certain classroom even though they should all be empty by now. It’s probably club activities, Levi thinks, as he goes up to the open classroom door anyway just in case it’s two students fornicating or something.

What he sees is horridly and conveniently punctuated by a loud moan.

Two kids are making out on what Levi now realizes is his chair at his desk in his classroom. It looks like Jean Kirschtein, if Levi can squint through the dark, practically on top of none other than Eren Jaeger with a hand up his shirt and a knee against his crotch. The moan had undoubtedly come from Eren.

The two haven’t noticed him yet, and Levi thinks he’d like it to stay that way. It’s really none of his business and something he’d like to actively avoid if at all possible. But he can’t seem to tear his eyes away from the way Eren’s back arches up and one of his hands comes to rest behind Jean’s neck. When Levi thinks that Eren is likely enjoying himself, he’s practically seeing red.

“What is going on here?” he calls so loudly that it startles them both to the point that Jean practically flings himself off of Eren. Jean is furiously wiping at his mouth, staring horror at Levi, while Eren just sits there quietly like he’d expected all this to happen.

“Nothing.” Jean coughs, phlegm apparently lodged so deep in his throat that he can’t come up with a better excuse.

But Levi feels so riveted with anger that he can barely say much else besides a low “Get out” mostly directed at Jean.

Jean throws Eren a glance, like he's wondering why Eren isn't getting up or doing anything. Giving up on understanding, Jean ultimately decides to bolt out of there, sidling carefully past Levi out the doorway where his footsteps fade off down the hall. Levi turns his attention to Eren who remains sitting in his chair.

“Having fun?” Levi scorns.

“Lots. Until you’d interrupted it,” Eren replies just as calmly and without looking at him like he’s embarrassed of his actions even though there’s no way Levi could believe he is. It’s only then that Eren brings a hand up to wipe at his lips.

“What the hell are you doing with the likes of Jean Kirschtein?”

Eren chuckles darkly. “Should you really be talking like that about a student?” Eren shrugs before Levi can come up with something to say. “Teenagers make out with other teenagers, sir. It’s only natural.”

Levi has no idea why but Eren is being so sickeningly infuriating right now.

With his legs still spread out on the chair, Eren palms at the fabric of it, almost like he’s inviting Levi over to sit there.

“There is a rule against public displays of affection in school,” Levi murmurs.

“Oh? There’s also a rule about smoking on school grounds, but I’m pretty sure you already know that. Pretty sure you’ve already violated that one more times than the both of us can count. Am I right, sir?”

Levi can’t right now. He feels his nails dig into the palm of his hand, feels the thoughts in his head swirl around to the point of scrambled eggs, and he just wishes that it was anyone but Eren Jaeger. It just had to be someone thirteen years his junior and his student and someone that can make such an idiot out of him.

Eren suddenly gets up, walking towards Levi, and Levi wants to turn around and run away but it’s like his feet are implanted into the floor, Eren’s dark gaze holding him still. Eren stops in front of him, putting a burning hand on his shoulder, and lowering his head. Levi thinks he’s going to be kissed, thinks he’s not even going to know when it happens because he’s stopped breathing altogether and all the oxygen in his brain stops functioning.

“This is for before, you jackass.”

And he’s not kissed because Eren destroys him in all the right ways at all the wrong times.

-

“Hmm. I wasn’t aware of a problem kid,” Petra says, pointing a finger to her chin. “Well, there are a couple getting 10 and 20 percent, but they’re never in class anyway. One is getting in the 50s, but I’ve talked to him once. He seems to be trying his best, although a bit unmotivated.”

“Me, too.” Hange joins them on the couch in the staff lounge, drinking at a cup of coffee in a mug stained with something that doesn’t look like coffee. “Low 50s. I’ve been passing him on tests, but it doesn’t look like he studies very hard. Bit sad-looking whenever I see him. Although, he doesn’t seem to ever actually be in class.”

“I offered him to come in after school for some extra help, but he hasn’t been willing yet,” Petra says a little glumly.

Hange shrugs. “I thought maybe he just doesn’t have a knack for Biology.”

“The way you teach might be a little confusing.”

“Sorry, we don’t have an easy-to-understand Periodic Table of Evolution!”

Levi makes a point of groaning out loud because they won’t hear him anyway through their continued bickering. He isn’t even sure where he was going with this. Maybe there’s some part of him that thought Petra and Hange were going through the same ordeal that he was with Eren for the past few months. If Eren hit on all his teachers, perhaps the responsibility on him would lesson. That’s what he thought, at least.

“Forget I asked,” Levi tells them, not feeling any better at all.

Hange attempts to wrap an arm around his shoulders on the couch, but Levi wiggles out of it. “He might not be a sciences type of guy?” Hange says casually, sipping at the mug. “I know  _you_  aren’t, Levi. You word nerd.”

“Hey.”

“Shouldn’t you be a little more concerned?” Petra directs at Hange from the opposite couch. “He’s a troubled kid. There’s one every season.”

“He’s not troubled,” Levi interjects as Hange shrugs noncommittally again. “We’re all talking about the same kid right? Eren Jaeger?”

“Yes,” they say in unison.

But Levi’s already gotten his expected answer from Petra and Hange, and their most minimal interest in a student besides that of regular teacher concern. It doesn’t surprise him all that much in the end, and he doesn’t feel like he has enough patience to seek out any other teachers for their opinions on what would likely seem to them as just some troublesome delinquent not worth their time and a teacher who spends much too much of it on him. Just considering worst case scenarios makes Levi slightly depressed, and all he really wants to do is go for a smoke and forget about Eren Jaeger.

-

The first snowfall of the season comes with sunshine that’s so bright it blinds Levi from three stories up. The snow covers the ground in thick white blankets and reflects light so harshly that it makes walking while the sun is out a huge pain in the ass.

Levi brings the phone to his head, idly tapping a pen on the top of his desk. He swears this school is the only one left in this century that still owns usable rotary dial telephones.

“Hello?” he hears in his ear.

“What’s up, kid,” Levi says.

There’s a pause and Levi waits hesitantly for an answer – not sure if he’s going to get an angry rant or an immediate slam of the other phone in his ear. But then Eren speaks up again, calmer than Levi thought he’d be.

“…Sir. Is that you?”

Levi rolls his eyes to no one at that. “Who else would it be?”

There’s another pause, probably in disbelief, before, “How’d you get my number?”

Levi leans back in his chair, letting the twisting cord stretch in front of him. “From your school record. I’m a teacher. I can call students’ homes if I want to.”

“That’s really creepy.”

“No, it’s not. And why is it you that picked up? Aren’t your parents there?”

“They’re at work. Did you really want to talk to them? Or did you want to talk to me?”

“You, obviously.”

There’s silence on the line again, and admittedly Levi could have thought through this a little better. But he’s dying from smoking and lung cancer and thoughts that won’t keep bothering him so the silence he receives is nothing compared to that.

“I just called to ask if… you’re doing okay,” Levi says.

He can hear Eren’s breath if he listens hard enough, soft puffs through his open mouth. Gentle inhales before a controlled exhale.

“I don’t forgive you. For what you said before.”

“I know.”

“Why are you doing this then?” Eren says slowly. “You’re an asshole, and you’re making it weird.”

“What’s weird?”

“You! You weirdo.” Eren sniffs, and Levi can’t be sure if he’s crying or not. “This is the part where you’re supposed to avoid looking at me and talking to me and pretend I no longer exist. It’s where you’re supposed to threaten me not to say anything or consider signing up for classes on how to deal with parts of you that arouse where they aren’t supposed to be aroused. What happened to staying away, huh?”

“I haven’t bought a single pack of cigarettes since, you know.”

“Are you even listening!?”

“No.”

Levi hears a slam of the phone on the other side and the heavy dial tone rings in his ear, before he eventually puts the receiver back down.

He doesn’t know why he’s doing this. He could have easily just avoided looking at Eren forever and talking to Eren forever, just like he said, and it would have all been fine.

No, actually, it wouldn’t be fine.

His fingers are itching, his brain is melting, and he’s determined to make this better. So like an addict that can’t properly get their fix, he’s got the piece of paper with the scrawled number in his hand and picking up the phone again in the other ready to dial the same number.

-

“Have you eaten yet?” Levi asks like it’s the most important question to be asking someone at 4 PM over the phone.

“Of course not. It’s too early for dinner and too late for lunch,” Eren huffs, although Levi can hear something that very much sounds like the opening of a fridge on the other side. “Don’t you have anything better to do? Is this some kind of fucked up version of phone sex? Are you getting off on this?”

“You never eat much at school, though. How can I be sure you’re eating properly during the break?”

“Why do you even care?”

And Levi thinks for a brief moment that Eren means more than that when he says that. He considers that this is a question that Eren has been wanting to ask for the longest time, even though Levi wouldn’t be able to give him a proper reason why.

“I’m concerned for your health,” Levi ends up replying.

“Says the smoker!”

“I haven’t bought a single pack since—”

Eren hangs up on him again.

-

“You can always just stop picking up,” Levi says one day when Eren seems extra pissed at him. Which is saying something.

“I know.”

“And I won’t call anymore if you tell me not to.”

He would wipe Eren’s number from his mind, delete it from his contacts and call history, and shred the piece of paper that’s been folded and unfolded a million times. He would stop talking to Eren in class, stop worrying about his health and his grades and his wellbeing. They would be teacher and student and nothing more.

But then after what feels like the longest time he’s been put on hold, Eren says “I know” whilst staying on the line, and Levi’s heart soars.

-

The snow falls heavily but gently outside. Levi introduces their new modern dystopia novel they’re going to be studying for the new year, and a certain Armin Arlert has been bothering him all morning for when they’re going to be getting their essays from the Fall back. It makes it even more annoying for Levi considering he knows very deeply in his soul that he can’t give Armin’s essay anything less than a 95 or it’ll be a literary injustice.

 “Armin.” Mikasa comes over to his desk at the front after Levi tells them all that they’re dismissed and to get out. “You’ve been looking better these days,” she tells him concernedly but thankfully.

“Yeah. It’s been good lately.” He seems to touch his face tentatively.

 Levi leaves the classroom before they do, stopping at his office for his jacket before he’s on a steady route to the Science Wing. He passes Hange and Petra, talking about which students are biochemically meant to be together, and stops before the rusty unused door to the roof. It’s cold and frozen to the sides because of water drippage and Levi has to shove it open using all of his body weight.

The snow blasts him even though it’s coming down slowly, as he pulls the collar of his coat up and around his face. Squinting through the white, he can see a blurry black blob.

Levi stops in front of it before calling out, “How many times are you gonna skip class to be out in the cold?”

Eren’s thick coat is undone at the front again for some reason, snow gathered quite a bit around the fur of his hood, and Levi can see him practically jump out of his skin at the sound of his voice. “Jesus Christ, you scared the shit out of me.”

His voice is slurred, not in the drunk way but like it’s being obstructed in some way, and upon closer inspection as Levi squats down he can see the first bandaids of the new year, crossing over Eren’s cheek to the bridge of his nose, along the knuckles where his fingers are splayed on the ground, as well as an honest-to-god cigarette sticking out of his mouth.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

It seems like Eren only just realizes, as he does a crappy attempt at trying to hide the thing, clumsily taking the cigarette out of his mouth just to cover it under his hand on the ground. He uses the back of his other hand to rub at his lips, but it’s too late because Levi’s already seen it and Eren already knows it.

“Nothing,” he tries to say.

“You’re smoking?” Levi demands. “Is that my cigarette?”

Eren turns his head away, some of the snow falling off the ends of his hair. “You gave it to me.”

“They’re off limits!”

“You never said for _me._ ”

Levi digs the palm of his hand into his eyes. “I can’t believe this… fucking hell.”

“It’s not even lit!” Eren protests, and Levi does look down to see that it must be true since Eren’s hand isn’t burning with the thing still underneath it. Unless he’s got extreme pain tolerance in his hands.

“Is it? I don’t give a shit. Don’t start smoking, okay? I’m serious.”

“Well, I already lit another one up earlier,” Eren mumbles. “Borrowed some guy’s lighter.”

Levi feels a wave of fury build up in his chest, hot and heavy. Suddenly, the snow falling around his eyes only contributes to the anger at wanting to take out every piece of tar in Eren’s body so he’s not dirty, so he’s not contaminated.

“Eren, what did I tell you? I told you these things are sick, they’re killing machines, they’re going to kill you—”

“Don’t you start with me!” Eren suddenly yells, puffs of breath blowing out harshly but cleanly. No smoke in his breath at all, but looking too much like it in Levi's eyes. Eren glares at him, almost with a look of plain disgust. “You gave me these things. They’re mine now. And you didn’t tell me anything, okay? Who was it who kept telling you to stop smoking on school grounds and you still kept waving that shit around in my face like you didn’t even care if I could inhale it and die?”

Eren tries to get up but Levi grabs at the sleeve of his coat to sit him back down. “That’s not why,” Levi tells him lowly. “It was to get you to leave. Christ, you had class to go to or wherever else and you couldn’t be hanging around me.”

He can see Eren’s pupils darting back and forth in front of him, eyes narrowing like he can’t even believe what he’s hearing. “You’ve gotta be shitting me. Don’t go pulling your goody talk like all you’re doing is watching out for the sad delinquent fuck.”

“You’re not a delinquent,” Levi tells him, hands clenched because hearing Eren call himself that just pisses him off. And Levi doesn’t know how else to explain it other than repeating, “You’re not. You’re not one of them, and you never have been.”

The snow starts to get thick. It gets in Eren’s hair and his eyelashes and on his lips before melting away and leaving behind a small shiny wet mark.

“I am…” Eren says, voice cracking. “I fight and I sleep in class just like you said. I beat up those guys because they deserved it. They deserve to know what they dish out. Bunch of raggedy pieces of shit. And you know, when I don’t see them, I look for them. I look for a reason to kick the shit out of them, just because I can and I want to. It _feels good_ , Mr. Ackerman, and I kind of. Like it.”

Levi doesn't know what to say.

“What are their names?” he asks because he's this close from suspending the lot of them.

And Eren doesn't answer, just looks at him like Levi didn't even get the point of everything he just said.

He breathes in shakily, eyes closing. And it’s nowhere near the shakes Levi gets from lack of tobacco in his system, but Eren already seems to be affected by the same anxious feeling.

“Am I fucked up?” he says bleakly instead, and Levi’s not even sure if that’s a question he really wants answering. Eren holds up the unlit cigarette in his fingers again, staring at it like it’s some kind of artifact, the same way Levi held it up before and asked if dying was better than suffering. “Actually, can I tell you something, sir?”

Levi doesn’t say anything this time, so Eren goes on.

“Sometimes I masturbate to the thought of you.”

It takes a few moments until Levi’s heart briefly stutters to a stop as he looks to Eren to see if he’s being serious right now.

His passive expression says he is.

Without regard, Levi’s disgusting mind involuntarily races through images of Eren standing in the middle of his shower or splayed out across his bed, eyes closed, hand tightening around and moving up his cock, and calling out _Sir_ in the crudest, most filth-induced voice. Is it bad if he doesn't know if he minds himself doing this anymore? Is it bad that he can't stop?

The images flicker back and forth, and Levi wants desperately to be able to admit that Eren's not the one who's fucked up - it's him.

Eren laughs out loud, presumably because he’s seeing the colour drain out of Levi’s face right now, as he puts his hands against his own. And Levi’s not sure if the red he saw on Eren’s cheeks were tinged from embarrassment or from the cold.

“It’s true,” Eren says. “I would think of your voice right against my ear, maybe even your lips right against my ear. You just had to call me so much over the break, didn’t you?”

“I didn’t think you… were…”

“Not during the call, god no.” Eren’s fingers arbitrarily skirt across his thighs, stretching and clasping together. “But even when I thought of you telling me to make sure to eat, I got turned on. When I thought of you telling me to take care of myself more, when you said it was your birthday and you were celebrating it with just me…”

Levi can’t help but feel his status as a teacher crumble before him.

“You said this was wrong,” Eren lets out. “And maybe you’re right. No, you’re definitely right. But I don’t know and I can’t _think_ anymore. I can never think when you’re here!” He raises his hands to his head. “Can never think when things come to you… and I don’t even know when this started happening! Why did you have to keep calling me, huh? Why did you have to do this to me, make me love you? You shitty fucking teacher. Fuck you.”

“I’m sorry,” Levi says, even though all saying that does is make Eren glare at him longer and harder than he’s ever done before. Levi’s grip on the sleeve of his jacket tightens like he never wants to let him go, even when his hand has long since started freezing from exposure that it no longer has circulation. He has no idea how Eren is able to sit out here with his coat wide open.

“All we are is just teacher and student, right?” Eren says, quiet and slow as the snow wisps around his lips. “Are you going to be the cause for my first broken heart?”

And then Levi leans forward to meet Eren’s lips.

But doesn’t.

He stops short just before he touches them, hovering, and Eren doesn’t move, staying completely still in front of him like he’s frozen in time.

Levi thinks of all the reasons why he shouldn’t move any closer. He thinks of all the ethical guidelines and images of parental outrage and all the videos he’d seen in teacher’s college about non-negotiable abuse of authority. He thinks about making a deal with the devil.

Because then he thinks about Eren’s laughter and what it might sound like in the summer in between cicada chirps and warm weather. He thinks about what Eren’s hair might look like interspersed with freshly mown pieces of grass as they lie on a lawn together or what it might look like when he’s just woken up and is still yawning with sleep in his eyes.

He thinks about Eren as a literary masterpiece, and his mind can’t look away.

And yet Eren is the one who leans in to press against him before Levi can move back. Eren’s lips are cold and stinging, but still feel like there’s a fire burning inside of him, like he’s willing to fight for the both of them – against everything and everyone else.

His hand comes up against Levi’s face, fingers curling around his neck, shocking to the touch. It runs a fierce electricity through him, something not words can describe on the pages of the most beautifully crafted novel. When Eren leans forward, Levi moves back, and Eren leans in again like he’s trying to make up for all the times he pulled away. Levi’s feeling undeniably hot, head buzzing, and Eren doesn’t taste at all like tobacco.

“Can’t we be boring together?” Eren whispers to him.

Levi breathes out a lot, breath picking up, as Eren puts his forehead against his. Levi can feel the scratchy material of the bandaid sitting on Eren’s nose, and he wishes so desperately to peel it off and hope that kissing the scars better will do the trick.

-

When Spring comes around, one of the first things Eren does is tell Levi he’s legal now.

“Oh?” He’s mindlessly shuffling strays of papers on his desk, trying to look busier than he really is. “Buy some lottery tickets on your way home,” he suggests.

Eren frowns. Pouts. “I wasn’t talking about that.” His eyes glaze across the papers in Levi’s hands, like he can’t bear to say what he really means.

Levi quirks a brow. Lip curving. “You weren’t talking about pushing your luck?”

It’s a few moments before Eren’s pout slides into an embarrassed smile that he tries to hide behind his hand, cheeks turning a lovely shade of watermelon pink. His face has been clear for a record number of days.

“You smooth asshole,” Eren laughs, shaking his head before he leans forward. Levi’s getting up from his desk, has a hand on Eren’s neck and the side of his face, and Levi meets his lips. The desk is in between them and Levi has to really reach, standing up on the tips of his toes because Eren is so unfathomably tall.

“Happy birthday,” he tells Eren. And he revels in the fact that they’re halfway there now with just graduation left.

“Would it be bad to tell you that I wanted to do this on your birthday, too?” Eren spreads a wide grin on his face, pushing the stacks of papers out of Levi’s hands. “But through the phone would have been hard.”

“So it was you who was getting off on our phone calls after all?” Levi says amusedly.

And Eren turns so red that he has to smash his lips against Levi’s again if only to hide his embarrassment.

-

The windows in the empty classroom are open, not because of cigarette smoke that hasn’t needed to be let out for months now but because the weather has gotten warmer and nicer.

Not much of the class had actually come to get final comments on their grades and final exams. Armin Arlert had come to thank him for such a great year and an extra thanks for the reference letter Levi had given before winter break because it had gotten him into a top university in the city.

Eren is here, having been playing with a manila envelope – one of those where the string needs to be wound around and around – through the time Levi was busy talking to Annie Leonhardt. Even while talking, he watches as Eren fingers the edges of it and at one point he’s got the string in his mouth, impatience written all over his face.

Once Annie leaves, Eren comes up and seems to eye the way Levi sits on the edge of his desk, arms crossed.

“So, what is it?” he asks and Eren holds out the envelope to him.

“I passed everything,” Eren says happily. “I’m a successful graduate.”

Levi clicks his tongue, taking the envelope without looking at it and crosses his arms with it still in his hand. “That’s good.”

“I mean, it’s not like my marks are any good… not enough to get into university or college or anything.” Eren almost seems choked up. “But you – I can’t believe you gave me a B.”

For a second, Levi is almost confused. “Yeah. You deserve it.”

“It’s the first time I’d ever gotten one.”

The bruises and scars on his face are healing up and so are the ones on his hands. He scratches at the back of his head even though Levi can see his chest inflate at the thought that maybe for once he can be proud of what he got.

“I mean, since like grade six or something,” Eren sputters. “But still, it’s – it’s you know, feels kind of nice.”

“I don’t give out free marks,” Levi says over him before he can go on shitting on himself. “You got it because I know you know the material. Even if it wasn’t always formally written down.”

He pauses when it looks like Eren is getting all sentimental.

“Did you mean what you said in the teacher’s comments? ‘The results may not always be there’, yeah, but also that I ‘work hard and have the potential for great things’?”

Eren stands there, mouth quivering, looking the least like a troubled kid that Levi’s ever seen him.

“Of course.”

Eren breathes out like he’s been holding it in, and Levi almost wants to wrap his arms around him for it.

“Ummm…” Eren has to gather his bearings a bit more before saying, “I was thinking I was gonna end up being a bus boy or working at some gas station or something. And it’s funny because if I think back hard enough, I can remember my mom saying before that she’d like for me to be a doctor. Take after my dad, you know? My dad said I could do whatever the hell I wanted… and I guess I got caught not doing either.”

He shifts on his feet, closing his eyes and then opening them again to look as emblazoned as they’ve been before and all this time. Only now he’s happy, he’s seething with what looks like determination this time.

“So, what I’m saying is… wait for me a little longer, okay?”

He fixes Levi with a stare so passionate, that he’s going to work hard to be that something that Levi’s said he always could be even though he doesn’t know exactly what it is yet. There’s no way Levi can tell him anything but, “Okay.”

Because he wants to see Eren become that something. Because never in all his 30 years has he seen a kid with near-failing marks look so promising.

Levi keeps the manila envelope in his hands when he says, “I’m actually working on a manuscript… It’s nothing special. I have a feeling it’s going to be nowhere near the likes of a literary epic – just something to get me started, yeah?” When Eren brightens up, Levi also says, “So, wait for me, too. Alright, kid?”

He smiles and so does Eren.

“Yes, sir.”

 


End file.
